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rules and standards
Category : General Sharing
by exoteric
06/08/11
0
THUMBS UP
11
HUGS
2
REPLIES
i struggle with mild depression. having grown up in church since a young age, it feels like there's a hidden standard of things i'm supposed to do and not supposed to do. when i am disciplined and able to maintain my moralistic rules, i look down at people who aren't as disciplined. but when i give into temptation (lust, anger, addiction, etc.), i'll feel really guilty and unworthy.
and in the past few days, i've been relapsing into a lot of unhealthy behavior. and then i feel guilty/depressed. and then i give into temptation even more because i feel like i already messed up. and then i feel even more guilty/depressed. i feel like i'm sinking into a dark abyss.
it gets even worse because i look at people around me who seem to be so happy and confident and cool, and i wonder if i'm the only one who thinks about these things. and i feel like it would be so much easier if i just gave up trying to have integrity and following the rules and just indulged and didn't think about how messed up i am.
bogus... people always seem put together on the outside. not true. that's not to say that people never experience happiness. it's just that continual happiness doesn't exist. i actually don't know if we understand what happiness is without experiencing sadness.
one thing is certain. things will get better, they always do. and then they get worse and then better again.
maybe not the encouragement you're looking for but still, hang in there.
06/11/11 (11 months ago)
by justagirl:
First and foremost, you are so not messed up! In fact, there's probably a lot of great things about you and you just can't see it but I bet others do. Also, you are not alone. No way. We ALL go through ups and downs but people can hide it easily. I just want you to know that. You are not alone or the only one who thinks about these kind of things. You seem like a very deep and thoughtful person. I hope for you true joy this week. Hang in there. I believe in you.
06/15/11 (11 months ago)
by Anonymous:
bogus... people always seem put together on the outside. not true. that's not to say that people never experience happiness. it's just that continual happiness doesn't exist. i actually don't know if we understand what happiness is without experiencing sadness.
one thing is certain. things will get better, they always do. and then they get worse and then better again.
maybe not the encouragement you're looking for but still, hang in there.